Rules of Mount Justice
by heists
Summary: 135. Wolf does not appreciate it when you steal his bacon. :: cracky. No particular focus on pairings, but hinted/mentioned KF/Rob, Spitfire, and Supermartian. Complete as is, but with updates come with new episodes and the ensuing inspiration.
1. Numbers 1 thru 50

1. "Nananananananananananana, _BATMAN_!" is not an acceptable way to greet the Dark Knight. _Ever_.

2. Or Robin, for that matter.

3. Wally is not allowed to have copious amounts of any of the following: Monster, Red Bull, Rockstar, espresso, coffee, and/or sugar.

4. When Robin suggests the team play a game, "last-one-to-steal-the-Boy-Wonder's-sunglasses" is _not_ what he has in mind.

5. Don't call Spee—Red Arrow Speedy.

6. Don't mention Red Arrow in front of Artemis.

7. Or vice-versa, for that matter.

8. No, you _can't_ make lightsaber noises when Kaldur is using his water-blades.

9. You eat M'gann's cooking.

10. And you don't complain.

11. (it helps to leave the non-stick spray in sight, though)

12. Don't insinuate Robin and Kid Flash are more than friends.

13. … even if it's totally true.

14. LIES.

15. Don't compare Robin's voice to Jesse McCartney's.

16. You don't make fun of gingers.

17. This includes singing the Kim Possible theme song whenever Spee—Red Arrow is around.

18. Unless you like finding arrows in uncomfortable places.

19. "Sidekicks" is a banned term.

20. No, Robin, you can't go around Mt. Justice singing: "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" whenever you find M'gann and Conner or Artemis and Wally alone together.

21. Unless you want Artemis to sing it whenever you're with Wally, of course.

22. Don't offer to fix the TV for Superboy.

23. Playing fetch with the ball from Biyalia is not an acceptable way to pass time.

24. Don't tease Red Arrow about his "thing" with Chesire.

25. Don't ask Artemis about her father.

26. Or Conner.

27. Let's just assume family is a prohibited topic, okay?

28. Which means we don't go rooting around in people's backgrounds, _Robin_.

29. The blame game accomplishes nothing.

30. Don't call Wally dumb.

31. No, Red Tornado does not appreciate your rendition of "Domo Arigato."

32. Staring at Black Canary's backside is not recommended at any time.

33. Or Batman's, for that matter.

34. If you're not Wally, don't walk into Robin's room without permission.

35. Unless you like seeing them on top of each other.

36. For the last time, we were _wrestling_.

37. The lies are not appreciated.

38. After watching a horror movie, it is not acceptable to send your ghostly cackle down the halls of Mt. Justice.

39. Don't randomly disappear like a ninja.

40. Try to avoid the topic of Superman around Conner.

41. Don't tell Artemis and Wally to get a room.

42. Stealing Wally's souvenirs is treated as an open declaration of prank war.

43. Don't play a game that involves running or movement and expect Wally to play fair.

44. A belching contest is a terrible idea when Wally is involved.

45. PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN.

46. Just because Robin and Artemis don't have powers, doesn't mean they can't kick your ass.

47. Fort nights are mandatory, and take place every fortnight.

48. No, you can't call Artemis Rapunzel. Or Blondie.

49. We're never watching Tangled again.

50. Tangled is now required viewing at all mandatory fort nights.

* * *

><p>=)<p> 


	2. Numbers 51 thru 100

51. Do not ask Wally about his Area 51 theories. Seriously.

52. Do not watch National Treasure with Robin.

53. Or Da Vinci Code.

54. Or any movie that has some sort of historical context (or scientific, mathematical-just avoid academic-y movies).

55. … unless he's gagged.

56. Yes, Black Canary and Huntress are friends—this does not mean you can ask them to spar so you can "observe." We all know you're just going to ogle and drool, Wally.

57. The main computer is for research and informational purposes only—not downloading illegal music and video games.

58. "No, Robin, you can't hack into the Pentagon for fun."

59. "Or the CIA."

60. Modifying the Zeta Beam to identify Red Arrow as Speedy is a bad idea.

61. And modifying it to call him Kim Possible is worse.

62. Just because Kaldur can control water does not mean he appreciates doing the dishes. Every. Day.

63. "Friday, Frida—_eep!_"  
>"Never. Sing. That song. <em>Ever<em>."_  
>Gulp.<em>

64. "Hello, Megan," is not something we mock.

65. Especially since we're all picking up the habit…

66. As hilarious as it is, don't stick up pictures of Robin in his old uniform. There are innocent eyes around.

67. Bar-hopping is never an acceptable suggestion.

68. Comparing Red Arrow and Artemis is not advisable.

69. "That's what she said," is only funny the first time.

70. Sharpies are kept in a locked drawer. Period.

71. Tumblr does not qualify as research.

72. Unless you want to be scarred for life, stay off deviantArt.

73. And, for all things holy, don't introduce Conner to fanfiction.

74. Never leave the toilet paper dispenser empty.

75. Games for Conner to avoid avoid: Jenga, Pick-Up Sticks, Topple, and any other games with lots of small pieces.

76. Bird feed and/or bat food plus milk—no, Robin does not appreciate your "attempt" to make him breakfast.

77. Just because we have a ball rolling around Mt. Justice does not mean you're free to make crude jokes.

78. Don't ask about the broken doors.

79. "What do you mean you hacked into the FBI?"

80. The English language is not a whore, Robin, so don't mess around with it.

81._ Someone's_ not feeling the aster…

82. No, you can't call KF Flash Boy when we're on a mission. It only encourages them!

83._ Mission Impossible_ is not an acceptable soundtrack when on surveillance.

84. Neither is the Pink Panther theme.

85. Seeing as we're a _secret, covert ops team,_ we're not allowed to set up our own fansite.

86. And, no, that doesn't mean you can go trolling all the people on the Justice League fan boards.

87. Remember Conner has super hearing.

88. We do not abuse the mental link—heavy traffic over an extended period of time is not good for a martian's head.

89. "Baby, baby, oooh—"  
>"Wally, we need to discuss your taste in music…"<p>

90. No, snapping Robin's mask against his face is _not_ funny.

91. Apparently, going on uncommissioned missions is "completely irresponsible, reckless, and generally unacceptable."

92. When around Aqualad, try to avoid mentioning Atlantis.

93. When we're at the beach, believe it or not, it's not appreciated when you ogle.

94. Oh, so it's okay for you to stare at Robin's abs, but I can't appreciate the view the girls present?

95. … Wally, you were looking at Robin's abs too.

96. I was not!

97. Uh-huh. You keep lying to yourself, Flash Boy—whatever helps you sleep at night.

98. Helps _me_ sleep? _You're _the pedobear here!

99. As flattered as I am, you guys do realize ogling me in any context is the quickest way to have Batman staring you down? And that I'm pretty sure he reads these?

100. Never, ever put yourself in a situation that puts you on the receiving end of Daddy!Bats death glare. _Ever_.

* * *

><p>Hm. I still prefer the first fifty, believe it or not (I do love the last few here, though).<p>

... and reading these over, I am unsurprised to note that it's mostly Artemis, Kid Flash, and Robin 'writing' these. They make snarkiness too easy. =P


	3. Numbers 101 thru 150

101. In the words of the immortal Boy Wonder: Get traught, or get dead.

102. It is not appropriate to switch out Artemis' clothes for M'gann's cheerleading uniform.

103. And you can't switch Wally's clothes, either.

104. You break it, you buy it.

105. Don't reference Conner's "antisocial tendencies."

106. Be warned: Red Arrow isn't amused when he catches you going through his suits.

107. Or sunglasses, for that matter.

108. Just because M'gann thought it fit to tell you about it does not mean you should constantly bring up Conner's 'bromance' with Icicle Jr.

109. Do not offer Conner a "sincere attempt at rehabilitation."

110. To take pictures, you need a signed agreement waiver.

111. Artemis is the only one allowed to tease Green Arrow for his "hot dates."

112. "So, Robin, how was the view up in those air vents?"

"Wally, if you ever use that tone when you're insinuating dirty thoughts involving me, I will cut your tongue out."

"… not bad."

"I changed my mind. I'm killing you both."

113. Be specific when using the word "dead."

114. It's since been made clear that superpowers are not the be-all, end-all.

115. Seriously, if you're going to be children, at least pick up your Legos after you're done with them. Those suckers _hurt_.

116. Contrary to appearances, Robin and Batman are not vampires.

117. Then why did you get rid of all the garlic in your room?

118. Because garlic _smells_, genius.

119. Suspicious…

120. Robin also does not appreciate you replacing the fruit punch with blood.

121. It's not okay to raid the infirmary's supply of blood transfusions.

122. All for one or one for all.

123. If someone has a test the next day, you help them study.

124. … even if you have to quiz them in the middle of the mission.

125. Apparently Robin is a technophiliac. Don't mess with his gadgets—they're _special_.

126. _Technophiliac_?

127. You were cooing at your wrist the other day. Don't deny it.

128. If someone's sick or injured, you stick around at Mt. Justice to help take care of them.

129. Invulnerable is not equivalent to insensitive.

130. When visiting Gotham, it's generally a bad idea to flirt with Batgirl.

131. Or Huntress.

132. Catwoman, too.

133. It's not my fault Gotham women are inherently more sexy…

134. * sexier

135. Wolf does not appreciate it when you steal his bacon.

136. And pretending to throw something for him to fetch doesn't work.

137. Trust is the most important thing on this team.

138. If Artemis doesn't want to watch _Alice in Wonderland_, it's best if you don't try to convince her otherwise.

139. It's bad practice to flirt with female villains.

140. It was _Poison Ivy_. She was using some strange smelly stuff to throw me off my game!

141. Sure, Wally. And that's why none of the other boys were affected?

142. If you see someone in the kitchen at three in morning, going through the cabinets, it's highly unlikely it's an unknown intruder. _So ask before you attack_.

143. Knife-throwing must be done within the designated area of training room.

144. Keep in mind: Kid Idiot can outrun knives, but not necessarily outsmart the knife thrower.

145. You make it sound like you managed to hit me.

146. The only reason I didn't is because I knew I'd get in trouble otherwise.

147. Don't use the rule sheet to carry on a conversation.

148. Don't get your knickers in a twist (totally counts as a rule).

149. No _Glee_. Period.

150. You just hate everything, don't you?

* * *

><p>I love when new episodes provide new inspiration. ~<p> 


	4. Holiday Edition!

1. No mistletoe. Period.

2. Robin's explosives do not make good tree ornaments.

3. It isn't appropriate to photoshop a Santa hat on Batman and stick it up all over the mountain.

4. No, Wally, you can't tie people up with Christmas lights.

5. Fruitcake is a banned substance. Just… no. Not unless you want the kitchen to explode. Again.

6. Save the cookies are for Santa and Santa only.

7. You are not allowed to hitch the team up to a sleigh.

8. Just because his middle name is Rudoplh does not mean it's okay to tease Wally.

9. "Wally, the red-haired idiot ~!"

10. I hate you, Artemis.

11. Dragging Artemis to go caroling is a terrible idea.

12. I thought it was hilarious.

13. Robin, she was replacing lyrics with curse words and innuendos.

14. … What's your point?

15. There were kids listening!

16. At least _she_ harmonized with me, unlike the rest of you.

17. It's generally not advised to open gifts when mentors are present—particularly if the gift is from Robin.

18. Or Wally.

19. Contrary to popular belief, Artemis does not want cupcake-scented shampoo.

20. Using super speed to put up decorations is going to end badly, so don't do it.

21. No, Robin does not appreciate being put in a pear tree nor the references to this occasion.

22. Chinese food does not make for a solid Christmas dinner.

23. Do not protest if M'gann insists on getting in line to sit on Santa's lap.

24. Don't remove Santa's "beard" in front of the kids, unless you want to get kicked out of the mall. For the third time.

25. He had it coming, all right?

* * *

><p>... just realized how uni-cultural I was in writing these. Heh. Whoops. ._.<p>

Anyway. Regardless of what you do or do not celebrate, I wish you all a wonderful season and a happy New Year. :D (and to anyone who, like me, still has exams to deal with, I wish you the best of luck!)


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